Here we are again

So here we are again a year on. I have no idea why I came here. Maybe it is that old familiar feeling of being ugly and a freak. Most people I know have a loving family, a job and a purpose in life. I feel that I have nothing but hope of recovery to cling to. Recently I spent three weeks at the Lakes in Colchester which is a mental health hospital. I had so much support from friends and health care professionals which I am very grateful. My family seem to have given up on me and do not know what to say or do for the best. The church which took me in when I was very vulnerable has never given up on me and I received weekly visits for months. I have recently rejected them and pushed them away when I felt they knew too much about me. I always push people away when they get too close. Now I am in search of hope and inspiration from other sources. I am recently read a book by an acid attack victim Katie Piper called Beautiful. Her story has truly inspired me. She is such a beautiful brave woman and I have such admiration for her. Like Katie I want to be able to have the confidence to look in the mirror again. I want to look people in the eye and not feel like I am worthless. Yes I am feeling broken but I can be fixed. Katie Piper went through so much and took up all challenges put before her. Her face was rebuilt by Dr Jawad who seems a really lovely human being. He is my hero at the moment and all the beautiful women then he gives treatment to like those in his documentary Saving Face. I look forward to finding my way back to feeling human again. I just have to focus on all the good things that I have. I have had this eating disorder since I was 8 years old so it will be tough to beat. I just have to be positive and move forwards.